Love Lost

I still cannot believe that you’re gone. You flew in and out of my life in a mere moment, but you left your mark on me and you will always be in my heart. You will always be a part of me. It is with much sadness that I must say my final goodbye. Though we had only recently met, it was love at first sight. It felt like we had known one another forever, maybe in another lifetime? I can’t be sure, but you put me immediately at ease and it seemed like you knew my deepest secrets, but you didn’t hold them against me.

We had some great times and I don’t regret a moment that we spent together. You liked to stay at home and hang out, never really wanted to socialize, and I was okay with that. You were content to hang out with me and watch a movie every night. I loved that about you. Spending those quiet evenings at home, starting with the day we met was so special. I have trouble believing that it could ever be the same.

We’ve all heard the clichés…”time heals all wounds,” “it’s for the best,” “you’re young, you’ll find love again,” and, “in a better place now.” Yikes. Spare me the crap.

And all I can think is yes, they are clichés. The people who spew those crusty platitudes are thoughtless, clueless people who have no idea what real loss feels like. Clearly they have not lost the love of their lives or they wouldn’t say anything so stupid and inane. I could write a book to explain it to them, but l don’t think they’d get it, even then. Maybe I could even read it to them and keep telling them “this means you,” but again, I don’t think it would stop the clichés that flow like waterfalls at times such as this.

To think that, after all of these years, I finally found the love of my life. And then, in little more than a heartbeat, I lost the love of my life. Thirty-five years of searching at every AA meeting, every church social and under every single rock, and just when I had finally given up on finding love, I ran into you in the grocery store. And you were perfect. It was fate. I guess that maybe love at first sight is a cliché too, but I’m telling you it was just that.

You were so sweet, so understanding. If I had a tough day, you were there to comfort me. You never judged me, never criticized me. It was a perfect relationship, albeit far too short. You were always there for me and I really appreciated that. I know that many relationships don’t have that depth, that people start being absent, even when they’re physically present, because they get bored. You never got bored, your existence revolved around mine and that was so refreshing. I had never encountered that before and now that I’ve had it, I don’t know how I’ll get through a day without it.

I guess I will get to be the judge of whether time heals all wounds or not. I suppose that it probably will, but I doubt that it announces itself during the process. “Attention: you are now 50% healed.” So I probably won’t realize it until long after the fact, and only then will I begin to feel complete again. I will find out eventually, I guess.

Mostly, I will miss the taste of you on my lips. I will miss your sweetness, and the perfection of US when we were together. I have been around the block enough times to know when there is a one-in-a-million connection. And we had it, there is no doubt. And then you were cruelly taken from me. I will forever treasure what we had and you will be with me forever. Probably on my hips.

Tomorrow, a stop at Wegman’s on the way home. I’m thinking chocolate chip this time.

Copyright 2007 Antigone Lett. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.